First of all, I don’t believe that we can ever “get kids to eat”. Somehow the eating part is really the kid’s job and not something that we get them to do. Encouraging kids to eat is part of our job and for me isn’t based on a series of techniques. The firm foundation is attitudinal and is really a philosophy of what we believe and how we perceive the kids and the choices they have made. Let me see if I can expand a bit on this idea.

When we judge our kids as having a behavioral problem or are fearful that they are not progressing fast enough, our attitudes and beliefs communicate themselves loud and clear to the child. They become guarded inside, in part because they know they can’t trust us. Most of their energy is going toward protecting themselves and not toward learning something new. So, for me, the first and most important step is becoming clearer about my own attitudes and beliefs. I’m not talking about just appearing to be accepting and encouraging to the child. When our inner messages don’t match the outer messages we give kids, it is confusing for them and they protect themselves even more by saying “no”.

Now I don’t think all OTs take this approach – our OT in KC is very eager to learn new approaches to feeding and is great – but the approach that the OT here suggests is responsible for a generation of kids who are selfish and wilful – after talking about it we responded (I wrote this:

I’m sure you are way more educated in this field than I, I’m just the parent of a preemie with feeding difficulties – but your whole approach to feeding seems bogus. When I was growing up I was “made” to eat everything on my plate, I wasn’t “allowed” to leave the table unless I had eaten everything on the plate. I didn’t like it at the time, but I am so grateful to my parents for loving me enough to teach me how to eat, how to have respect for others, how to think of others apart from myself. We have brought our little fella to the Los Altos Feeding Clinic because he didn’t know how to eat – every bite is painful. Nobody enquired of his preferences when we stuck the feeding tube down his nose and into his stomach – we did it because we loved him and wanted to see him grow, likewise I’m not asking his preferences now when we are overcoming some of the difficulties and teaching him to eat. Sure he cried and screamed the first few times and spit up – but he did that again and again when we put the tube down his nose – but after only a few days he stopped and started to eat. If we took the OT route at what point would he eat? When he wanted – 5 years old? 10 years old? And accepting the fact that he is a “picky” eater because nobody has loved him enough to show him there is another better way. I’m just one parent with a whole system that says otherwise – but this one parent says – if you love your baby take medical advice – but don’t bow to every whim of the baby – do whats in their best interest. An approach which bows to these whims is not only bad (really bad) for the child – but it bodes ill for our society as a whole.

A Concerned Parent